marriage counseling and recovering from infidelity

Marriage counseling - process of recovering from infidelity

In marriage counseling it is commonly acknowledged that there are logical steps that must be followed to aid with the process of recovering from infidelity. The first step is the understanding as to why an affair took place. The process of recovery is helped by a mutual appreciation as to why the infidelity took place in the first place. In order to establish the why, it is important for the couple to use an impartial arbitrator such as a marriage counselor to facilitate this. To do this without the aid of a trained facilitator will require the couples to have exceptional self-restraint and communication skills. Self-control is a prerequisite to the process of recovery, as the situation will inevitably be highly emotionally charged. Therefore, a constructive communication is only made possible if the couple are able to exercise emotional restraint. It is also vital that a partner is able to talk openly without any fear of retribution or interruptions. A marriage counselor is able to teach and encourage active Listening in the relationship counseling sessions to promote an open and honest dialogue about feelings and inner thoughts.

Some lifestyle changes may also be necessary to assist with the recovery process. Forgiveness can only begin if the partner feels that the betrayal is not going to re-occur. External pressures, such as over-work, financial concerns and general stress may need to be addressed to ensure the affair is not repeated. These lifestyle changes also extend to the interaction between the couple, as to prevent feelings of neglect. It is often the desire to fulfil a void left by neglect that drives a partner into the arms of another. Unfortunately the modern society encourages a fast passed lifestyle, which ultimately results in couples feeling drawn apart and neglected. The external pressures are not necessarily the only lifestyle changes that must be evaluated. The reason for the affair could also be related to internal factors. These could range from boredom, to feelings of being trapped or a fear of aging. A partner's abnormally high sex drive is also another contributing factor to why the affair took place in the first place. Medical and psychological disorders have been shown to increase the sex drive of a person, which if not managed or satisfied will inevitably lead to affairs. Unfortunately these motives are often the hardest to manage and as such must be facilitated by an experienced marriage counselor.

In marriage counseling forgiveness is addressed in such a way as to encourage the acceptance of the emotional trauma experienced. Although the act of betrayal can be accepted and forgiven, it will never be forgotten. It is futile in attempting to forget about the infidelity, however forgiveness is the only way to salvage the relationship. If forgiveness is not forthcoming then the adulterous partner will eventually seek to end this prolonged punishment and will be left with no option but to leave. To help with the process of forgiveness it is important to focus on any positive aspects of the relationship, which will be extremely hard to do under the circumstances. But, no matter how bad a situation may seem, there are always some prior positive experiences in any relationship. It is vital to make a detailed note of these to help conjure up positive mental images associated with the relationship, which serves to bring balance and perspective to what is a negative situation. Accepting blame is also vital to the process of forgiveness. This open admission of guilt ensures a rekindling of the lost trust, although this will undoubtedly be a gradual process. Infidelity is almost always accompanied by a feeling of rejection, and as such the regaining of the lost self-esteem must also be considered.